Online Dating during Covid-19, escapism or reality?
Back in the dark ages, when we witnessed the birth of internet dating, it marked the start of a brave new world in which to meet a new partner. Prior to its invention, lonely hearts columns were confined to the back pages of various publications and were viewed either as a source of amusement or a resource for the desperate.
Since then, it has developed into a legitimate and wholly acceptable way of meeting new people and dating in general. However, for some, busy lives can provide a multitude of distractions that take the focus away from finding a fulfilling and settled long term relationship and provide an easy route to relationship ambivalence. Here the arena of internet dating can sometimes feel more of an amusing dating annex, in much the same way a study guide at exam time runs alongside the main texts of study. In the world we now inhabit where the main study is no longer available to us, does internet dating form part of the brave new world we are creating? For others, who have already taken a more pragmatic and series approach, this is already the case and there is a great deal of personal evidence in their stories to suggest a high level of success with online dating. Perhaps now is the perfect time to follow this lead and re-evaluate the role internet dating can play in our future. We are experiencing a time where our intimate and close relationships must all be conducted from a physical distance. And so it would seem that the nuts and bolts of internet dating are now the tools with which we run our lives.
With little outside stimulus perhaps it is the perfect time to use the technology available to form new and exciting relationships. In a world where we don’t know when a face to face meet will be possible, is there comfort to be found in this and a certain amount of escapism from the ‘new normal’ we are collectively experiencing. If the intention is that we shall never meet this match can we enjoy using our creativity, now more than ever, to be someone else and enjoy the fantasy of getting a glimpse into another illusory life for a brief time? At the very least, and living life as a single in a flying solo household, can it prove a welcome distraction from our own 24-7 company and allow us to escape the mental jails of self isolating.
Alternatively, as time is the only certainty that we currently have, maybe we can use it in more fruitful ways, where an initial spark can be more wisely applied in really getting to really know someone from a distance. Perhaps here is a pathway to learn more about ourselves. To re examine changes in our long held likes and dislikes, the introduction to new thoughts and experiences and the building of a more solid foundation before we get the chance to meet a new match. Perhaps it will prove a useful insight for us all to finally get to the bottom of that age old questions – what is it I am looking for?
- By the Musing of a Single Female
Schitt’s Creek - Moira and John Rose
Since the quality of our relationships are so important to our emotional wellbeing and mental health, I wanted to take a closer look at one particular onscreen couple from the series Schitt’s Creek. There is no one-size-fits-all, so my observations relate to this specific couple and their interaction.
I’ve been waiting impatiently for the final season of Schitt’s Creek. Its comedic genius and sweet eccentricities aside, the depiction of the relationship between Moira and Johnny Rose is really the beating heart of the series. Moira, the grandiose, eccentric matriarch and Johnny, the more down-to-earth doer, despite occasional distractions, are a rare onscreen marvel in couple strength. Whilst their relationship isn’t perfect and enjoys plenty of turbulence, the couple doesn’t redirect conflict into and within their alliance but resolves it by sticking together. This strength allows them to beat adversity, and they’ve had plenty of it.
- By Sonja Vetter Couple and Individual Therapist
'Unorthodox' and Vaginismus, a psychosexual perspective
I live in Hackney, the most diverse borough in the UK. One of my neighbouring cultural pockets is of the Hasidic Jewish community in Stamford Hill. I don’t think I’m alone in confessing to a fascination with closed religious communities. So when I heard there was a Netflix series based on a similar community in New York, I was intrigued.
This series is based on the memoirs of Deborah Feldman’s book ‘Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots ‘. What specifically drew me to this series is its depiction of sex and the role sexual relations play within the marriage parameters of the traditional community Deborah was brought up in.
- By Olivia Luna Relationship and Psychosexual Therapist
Read more: Unorthodox and Vaginismus, a psychosexual perspective
Relationship and Couple Therapy
Sometimes relationships may undergo periods of stress and it may feel as if they are a source of unhappiness or confusion. Relationship counselling helps couples and individuals explore problematic patterns that may be affecting their quality of life. The problem may be recurring or after an event or series of events.
We work with a wide range of couples from different cultural backgrounds and sexual orientations
Psychosexual Therapy
Psychosexual therapy is an integrative approach which combines talking therapy with behavioural therapy. It can take place on an individual basis or with a partner. It will involve an assessment of the sexual issue (including any associated medical factors) whilst exploring further how the relationship, sexual development and personal history may be affecting the sexual issue. Behavioural exercises may be discussed in the sessions, which will then be carried out at home to help the individual or couple address their sexual difficulties.
Individual Counselling
Individual counselling is a joint process between a therapist and client. Common goals of therapy may be to motivate change or improve quality of life. Therapy can help people overcome obstacles to emotional and mental well-being.
It can also increase positive feelings, such as compassion and self-esteem. People in therapy can learn healthy skills for managing difficult situations, making positive decisions, and reaching goals.