Blast from the past, why your ex is getting in touch during lockdown ...

One of the biggest surprises I have experienced during the current lockdown was on waking one morning to find  out that one of my exes had been reminiscing on our relationship. He was experiencing regret for the part he played in its ultimate demise. Until the end, I had been fully invested in him as my life partner and had desperately clung on despite all evidence that the relationship was dead in the water. I now recognise this to be a result of a traumatic childhood that left me with both abandonment issues and the belief I had to hold onto the approval of a  paternal figure at all costs, to ensure my emotional well being. At the end I still hadn’t realised that, in reality, the relationship had essentially been over for around 6 months prior.

Written by The Musings of a Single Female

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Online Dating during Covid-19, escapism or reality?

Back in the dark ages, when we witnessed the birth of internet dating, it marked the start of a brave new world in which to meet a new partner. Prior to its invention, lonely hearts columns were confined to the back pages of various publications and were viewed either as a source of amusement or a resource for the desperate.

Since then, it has developed into a legitimate and wholly acceptable way of meeting new people and dating in general. However, for some, busy lives can provide a multitude of distractions that take the focus away from finding a fulfilling and settled long term relationship and provide an easy route to relationship ambivalence. Here the arena of internet dating can sometimes feel more of an amusing dating annex, in much the same way a study guide at exam time runs alongside the main texts of study. In the world we now inhabit where the main study is no longer available to us, does internet dating form part of the brave new world we are creating?  For others, who have already taken a more pragmatic and series approach, this is already the case and there is a great deal of personal evidence in their stories to suggest a high level of success with online dating. Perhaps now is the perfect time to follow this lead and re-evaluate the role internet dating can play in our future. We are experiencing a time where our intimate and close relationships must all be conducted from a physical distance. And so it would seem that the nuts and bolts of internet dating are now the tools with which we run our lives. 

With little outside stimulus perhaps it is the perfect time to use the technology available to form new and exciting relationships. In a world where we don’t know when a face to face meet will be possible, is there comfort to be found in this and a certain amount of escapism from the ‘new normal’ we are collectively experiencing. If the intention is that we shall never meet this match can we enjoy using our creativity, now more than ever, to be someone else and enjoy the fantasy of getting a glimpse into another illusory life for a brief time? At the very least, and living life as a single in a flying solo household, can it prove a welcome distraction from our own 24-7 company and allow us to escape the mental jails of self isolating.

Alternatively, as time is the only certainty that we currently have, maybe we can use it in more fruitful ways, where an initial spark can be more wisely applied in really getting to really know someone from a distance. Perhaps here is a pathway to learn more about ourselves. To re examine changes in our long held likes and dislikes, the introduction to new thoughts and experiences and the building of a more solid foundation before we get the chance to meet a new match. Perhaps it will prove a useful insight for us all to finally get to the bottom of that age old questions – what is it I am looking for?

Written by the Musing of a Single Female