The more I worked to keep the relationship alive, the more he despised me for it. This made for an unhealthy situation that resulted in his increasingly hurtful behaviour towards me – I believe borne out of frustration from the lack of any possible escape for him. In the end he forced my hand, by making the relationship as toxic as possible. This ultimately left me with no choice but to finish it myself, whilst I was still deeply in love with him. The final split, was very painful and very acrimonious. We have had pretty much zero contact since I shut both the physical door of our home and the metaphorical door on our relationship. Any subsequent attempts I had made to make peace between us in the years following had been met with a stony silence and I finally gave up any attempt to resolve. 

I was therefore all the more surprised to receive the news that he had started to wax nostalgic on our time together and express regrets for his treatment towards me as well as reflecting on a fondness for our time together. On speaking to friends regarding this novel twist, a few commented that they had also had exes get in touch during the lockdown period. It would seem that this situation was more common then I thought. Looking into this further it is perhaps no coincidence that at in a period of isolation, when we have time to reflect back through our lives, a desire to reconnect to happy times and ignore the bad becomes hugely comforting for us. 

A fantastic piece written on this subject: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/202004/why-might-people-reach-out-their-exes-during-quarantine-0,  muses that reconnecting with an ex can provide a way of finding meaning in life during these current turbulent times. While it also provides a socially legitimate excuse to initiate contact by providing a reason to reconnect. It could be because we are bored, lonely, single, or even how the current crisis has hi lighted uncertainty in our lives and made us crave past times of security. It goes on to advise caution and a thorough examination of the reasons why these feelings are coming to the surface.  A wise caution indeed if we are predisposed to put on rose tinted spectacles and view times past with a slightly warped sepia tinged glow. Life ain’t no Hollywood movie! But when we examine our past relationships perhaps we can take back control of the script for our future lives.