Blast from the past, why your ex is getting in touch during lockdown ...

One of the biggest surprises I have experienced during the current lockdown was on waking one morning to find  out that one of my exes had been reminiscing on our relationship. He was experiencing regret for the part he played in its ultimate demise. Until the end, I had been fully invested in him as my life partner and had desperately clung on despite all evidence that the relationship was dead in the water. I now recognise this to be a result of a traumatic childhood that left me with both abandonment issues and the belief I had to hold onto the approval of a  paternal figure at all costs, to ensure my emotional well being. At the end I still hadn’t realised that, in reality, the relationship had essentially been over for around 6 months prior.

The more I worked to keep the relationship alive, the more he despised me for it. This made for an unhealthy situation that resulted in his increasingly hurtful behaviour towards me – I believe borne out of frustration from the lack of any possible escape for him. In the end he forced my hand, by making the relationship as toxic as possible. This ultimately left me with no choice but to finish it myself, whilst I was still deeply in love with him. The final split, was very painful and very acrimonious. We have had pretty much zero contact since I shut both the physical door of our home and the metaphorical door on our relationship. Any subsequent attempts I had made to make peace between us in the years following had been met with a stony silence and I finally gave up any attempt to resolve. 

I was therefore all the more surprised to receive the news that he had started to wax nostalgic on our time together and express regrets for his treatment towards me as well as reflecting on a fondness for our time together. On speaking to friends regarding this novel twist, a few commented that they had also had exes get in touch during the lockdown period. It would seem that this situation was more common then I thought. Looking into this further it is perhaps no coincidence that at in a period of isolation, when we have time to reflect back through our lives, a desire to reconnect to happy times and ignore the bad becomes hugely comforting for us. 

A fantastic piece written on this subject:,  muses that reconnecting with an ex can provide a way of finding meaning in life during these current turbulent times. While it also provides a socially legitimate excuse to initiate contact by providing a reason to reconnect. It could be because we are bored, lonely, single, or even how the current crisis has hi lighted uncertainty in our lives and made us crave past times of security. It goes on to advise caution and a thorough examination of the reasons why these feelings are coming to the surface.  A wise caution indeed if we are predisposed to put on rose tinted spectacles and view times past with a slightly warped sepia tinged glow. Life ain’t no Hollywood movie! But when we examine our past relationships perhaps we can take back control of the script for our future lives.

Relationships therapy east london

Relationship and Couple Therapy

Sometimes relationships may undergo periods of stress and it may feel as if they are a source of unhappiness or confusion. Relationship counselling helps couples and individuals explore problematic patterns that may be affecting their quality of life. The problem may be recurring or after an event or series of events.

We work with a wide range of couples from different cultural backgrounds and sexual orientations

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Psychosexual Therapy

Psychosexual therapy is an integrative approach which combines talking therapy with behavioural therapy. It can take place on an individual basis or with a partner. It will involve an assessment of the sexual issue (including any associated medical factors) whilst exploring further how the relationship, sexual development and personal history may be affecting the sexual issue. Behavioural exercises may be discussed in the sessions, which will then be carried out at home to help the individual or couple address their sexual difficulties.

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Individual Counselling

Individual counselling is a joint process between a therapist and client. Common goals of therapy may be to motivate change or improve quality of life. Therapy can help people overcome obstacles to emotional and mental well-being.

It can also increase positive feelings, such as compassion and self-esteem. People in therapy can learn healthy skills for managing difficult situations, making positive decisions, and reaching goals.

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